I like being married. Seventeen years ago, after three marriage disasters, I knew I was ready to find "the one" and commit for the rest of my life. When I met someone who felt right to me, I told him if what you want is young and cute, then keep on looking, but if you want someone whose heart is golden, who will stick by your side and wholeheartedly love and support you till the end... then I'm your girl.
I said from the get-go that I was only interested in getting married for the long haul. He knew without a doubt that I was looking for a forever relationship. He married me, knowing how I felt. He said he felt the same.
After we got married, we had regular ups and downs. There were some hard times and a lot of REALLY GOOD times, and we both grew and changed a lot. I thought we were in it together; both committed to continually improving and working things out. We were so good together that our friends loved US and often referred to us as their favorite power couple. Many people thought we had a perfect and enviable marriage. I did too.
Imagine my surprise then when two weeks before our 15th anniversary, he announced that he was DONE with me and moving on. He was immovable, and I was dumbfounded and devastated. I had to process his news in stages. It took me seven weeks to accept that "we" were really over, and he'd already moved on.
There's nothing like a time like this to prompt you to do some deep inner inventory and introspection.
It's one thing to get divorced when you're thirty and think you have much life ahead of you. But at sixty (almost sixty-one), it's a whole different story. I don't think of myself as old in any shape or form, but I can see what twenty-thirty years does, and with a bit of soberness, I have to admit I have a limited number of full steam ahead years in front of me.
It's impossible for me not to feel jilted. I admit that I have repeatedly felt betrayed, angry and bitter. These feelings have boiled up and washed over me many times. I could've embraced them and let them become part of my identity. But I didn't.
Instead, I allowed myself to feel the emotion and release it by crying and venting on paper and texts. And I chose to support myself by using essential oils to help release the negative emotion. I diffused oils and rubbed them all over me, especially my heart). I chose to repeatedly turn to God and pray out my emotions until I could let them go and forgive him.
I have chosen to be grateful for this "learning and growing" experience, and as much as possible, because I am human and it's not easy, I've decided to be positive and graciously accepting of his choice.
I constantly remind myself to keep my feelings (energy) in check and be positive.... because I am an attracting magnet! I still want to be happily married, and I genuinely believe there's someone out there who is perfect for me, and when the time is right, he'll come (I'll attract him) into my life. It helps to remember that I need to BE the sort of person I want to attract.
In the meantime, let be real.
I'm living alone, and sometimes I feel lonely. And sometimes, I feel SAD, lethargic, and depressed. And sometimes I feel sorry for myself and think I got cheated. Uggh, I don't want to feel that way, but honestly, sometimes I do. Thankfully I only feel like that sometimes.
There are many other times when I feel UP and OPTIMISTIC and POSITIVE and good about my life. I like feeling good, so I do my best to do whatever it takes to make it happen. Thankfully there are far more happy-easy days now than there are sad.
It helps that I use doTERRA oils. I've used a lot of Breathe--to help me breathe, especially at first, Past Tense--for headaches and tension, Frankincense and Melissa--to dispel heaviness and darkness, Thyme--to help release anger and bitterness, Lemon and Forgive--to invite forgiveness and peace, and Wild Orange and Rose-- because they smell terrific. They invite happiness and just plain make me feel good.
It helps that I've chosen to see a door closing to someone who isn't the fit I thought he was, so when the time is right, another door can open to someone who perfectly pairs with the super cool and elevated woman I have become! Ha, I like the qualities and virtues I'm seeing in myself as I navigate this challenging time! At least.
It helps that I keep praying and forgiving him. It helps me keep striving to see the good in him and be grateful for him. It helps that I want to release him with love and keep on being his friend. Fighting and being enemies never feels good in any situation, so I'm choosing to say no thanks to that.
It helps that I do my best to count my blessings and stay focused on the amazingly bright future I want instead of the life that didn't go the way I wanted.
Oils, prayer, forgiveness, journaling, choosing/striving to feel good and happy, feeling grateful for everything (even this experience), surrounding myself with positive people, and focusing on what I want... these are all healing tools that are getting me through. They help so much I don't know how I'd do it without them.
The bottom line is that life can be disappointing, devastating, and depressing. It can take your breath away and knock you right off your feet! And you can hurt so much that it feels like you're never going to be able to get up again.
But you can get up. because you were not born to be a victim.
Everything about our spiritual energetic makeup encourages us to get back up and do it with increased strength and valor! We all have agency, and when hard stuff happens to us, we can CHOOSE to use the simple yet ultra-healing tools of journaling, prayer, forgiveness, gratitude, positive attitude, etc.
We all have the power to RISE ABOVE the challenging stuff that happens to us. We were all born to overcome obstacles and trials and become victorious and thrive. We never never need to let life keep us down!
When I remember this, being single at sixty suddenly feels lighter, and much more full of exciting potential.
I'm glad.