You know, it's easy to be happy when everything is going right in your life. I've been there. I had a really sweet spell going for awhile. In fact I remember saying more than once, "This time is Golden... everything feels SO GOOD and BLESSED!... and I am SO extremely grateful!"
Funny thing is I knew it wasn't going to last.
I just had a feeling something was going to happen, and there would be rough waters ahead.
ha... I'm glad I enjoyed those good times while they lasted because little did I know that when the tide turned, my world was going to turn upside down and inside out, Fast.
To put it accurately my world erupted. Or at least my colon did (it perforated) and I got so off the charts septic that I almost died. Seriously. But I didn't... and it led to a whole slew of unpleasant complications including four major abdominal surgeries, losing most of my hair, being in extreme pain for months on end, and needing to have an ostomy bag for eight months. Then just as I was getting back on my feet (literally) my oldest daughter unexpectedly died. Talk about unplanned for shock and grief. And two months later, I lost my dad.
And in between two family deaths I got the flu and coughed so hard it tore open my not completely healed scars and caused a grapefruit size hernia. AND in the process of getting the hernia repaired I had to have a lung biopsy and found out I have a "concerning" case of sarcoidosis. (Thank you doTERRA because thanks to my daily oil habit I am not the least bothered by the lung issue... and my doctor is AMAZED that I have no dehabilitating symptoms :)
Anyways, all in all it was an ordeal and A LOT to deal with!
Then twenty two months after the health turmoil began, and two weeks before my fifteenth wedding anniversary, just when I was starting to feel really good about life again, my husband whom I absolutely loved and adored (the man who stayed by my side and took excellent care of me when I was so sick) announced that he was choosing to "close out our relationship".
Talk about the ball crashing down and knocking the wind completely out of my sails. Again. I was devastated to say the least. His news was so unexpected and unbelievable that I had to process it in stages.
I felt. S H O C K !!! Major Shock! Disbelief. Denial. S A D. MAD!! Bitter.
So S A D. More shock.
I ranted. And I cried. Tears automatically squeezed out of my eyes. I hardly slept, and when I finally did drift off I woke up shaking with a feeling that something was horribly wrong. I went through the motions. I put on a smile and kept going. I faced the world and did what I needed to do, but on the inside I felt like I was collapsing. Again.
I felt unsettled, un-happy and sorry for myself. I was in a funk. I loved him and was so invested in our marriage and trusted that he felt the same way, that letting go of the package deal was really hard and painful to do.
I allowed myself to FEEL all the emotion that was coming up. I am wise enough to know it is important to grieve. And if I just glossed over it it would still be inside eating at me, and it would surely come up later to wreck havoc and extend the misery. So I let myself go through it.
Having a perforated bowel was body hell. It was rough! And the process of absorbing my new reality and adjusting to it was every bit as hard and challenging. It was the energetic and emotional version of the rearranging physical trauma I'd gone through earlier.
Both times I struggled. A LOT. I felt sad, mad, exhausted and (the second time around) bitter; totally cheated and rejected. None of it seemed fair. I didn't have choice in the matter. It happened. I felt like it was put upon me and I didn't like it. I admit I wasn't very graceful or gracious about how I handled it.
It took me awhile to accept THIS was my new reality. But finally I was able to come face to face with it and realize the only productive thing I could do was surrender to the experience and choose to adjust and UPGRADE my attitude about it.
I wanted to feel happiness and JOY again....so I chose to cultivate that. I chose to turn away from the pain (close a door on my past) and put my energy into creating a brighter future. And as much as possible, because it was uber challenging to do, I kept my mind on what was right with my life in the here and now, and I thought about how I want things to look and feel in the future.
I changed my mindset and started investing my time and energy into thinking about what I want my new life to be like!
And yes, the painful door on my past kept (keeps) opening, so I had (have) to keep re-closing it. I have to keep re-making the choice to let go and move forward victoriously, instead of trudging along as a victim.
I keep choosing to see my future bliss in my mind's eye, and to FEEL grateful, joyful and happy... even excited, about my life!!
Choosing to do whatever it takes to feel satisfaction and joy it in my heart again has made all the difference because it has enabled me to rise above the sad crappy feelings... and feel (most days) like my positive optimistic energetic self again!
So here in a nutshell, is what I've been doing every day (over and over again, as much as I need to!) to CREATE JOY in a joyless feeling life.
1. Use best quality (high vibrational) essential oils often because they are the fastest and easiest way to perk up your energy. Diffuse them, and put them up to your nose and SMELL them (important!), and rub them on the back of your neck and throat and earlobes! Seriously, keep oils nearby and use them (first) and often because they will help lift you out of a funk and make it easier to do everything else I've listed below.
2. PRAY for peace!! I couldn't have gotten through any of the hard stuff I've been through without mighty sincere and heartfelt prayer! My heart was bitter and super sad and only God's grace could soothe and soften it. Seriously, heartfelt prayer, where you turn to God and pour your heart out to him and ask him to heal it, is the majic bullet.
3. Choose to forgive and forget. Pray and ask God to help you forgive and let go so you can feel peace. Choose to forgive. Say out loud "it doesn't matter, it really doesn't matter". Even when your brain is telling you it does matter and wants you to keep dragging your old energetic garbage around like a hungry dog gnawing on a meaty bone, keep telling yourself that it really doesn't matter. That you are choosing to let go because you want to be happy. Do it over and over again. Keep choosing to forgive.... and keep telling yourself it doesn't really matter until you start to believe it. Choose to get out of a sewer swirl! Cut the energetic cords attached to it and LET the old crap GO. Rise above it and move to higher (happier) ground!
(I can not do this alone! I NEED God to help me. The only way I can keep forgiving and letting go, is to keep having one on one heartfelt prayer sessions about it!)
4. Practice gratitude! This is so important because when you can see all the blessings around you, it helps you remember that life really is good... and yours is too good to waste by being a sadsack! Choose to FEEL GRATEFUL every day, and remember gratitude turns what you have into more than enough!
5. Hold your chin up and SMILE. Literally do this, because it will change your energy (uplift you) and make you look and feel brighter (and even more youthful, which is always a good thing!). Practice smiling in the mirror, and work on bringing your smile up to your eyes! Keep checking yourself out in the mirror and make sure your chin is up and your mouth and eyes are still smiling :) And while you're there, say I love you and tell yourself you are beautiful and amazing!
Remember, no matter how hard and rocky your life gets, you have the power in you to change your heart and your circumstances.
Joy can be cultivated... Woo Hoo, and just by choosing (over and over again) to uplift your attitude, YOU CAN turn things around and get yourself feeling happy and good about life.
So go make your own joy.
I'm doing it, and I know you can do it too!
Years ago I learned the serenity prayer. It goes like this. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.
I've spent decades working on mastering the three lines of this simple prayer, and in times of life such as I'm going through now, it's useful. So let's break it down.
First comes Serenity. This is a peaceful state wherein you feel calm and untroubled, even when there's an external storm brewing all around you.
It's a fact that people close to you have agency and what they do affects you. And sometimes, super damaging and painful stuff just happens, out of the blue. In these cases there is absolutely nothing you can do about what's happening to you except choose how you will react to it. And, admitting that you're powerless to change or control the situation isn't easy!! I've found that I usually can't do it by myself! I need help so I pray until I can "let go" and "receive" (actually FEEL) the peace Jesus Christ offers. That's the only way I can quickly let go of a painful situation, and get to a place of feeling serenity and acceptance in my heart.
Next we have Courage. Courage is the ability to remain strong in the face of grief or pain. It's the act of stepping over your fears and doing something hard or challenging for the betterment of all.
When you're going through something really unpleasant or difficult it can take courage to face it and be honest with yourself about what's really going on. It's easy to blame something or someone else for the problem but that won't fix anything, and it certainly won't make your own life feel better. The only way to effectively resolve the issue is to take a personal inventory and determine what it is you can do to improve things. Coming up with a self-improvement plan and following through on it takes courage. It takes the blame off of other people and situations and causes YOU to become responsible, and do whatever it takes to create your own future happiness. Taking the blame off of others and choosing to look forward with increased self-responsibility and hope for a brighter future ahead is courageous. The bonus here is it's also one of the the most rewarding and "growing" things you can do for yourself!
And last, there is Wisdom. This is a high quality type of knowledge and good judgment; the reward if you will, that comes from living though "challenging" life experiences and learning the painful lessons associated with them. Wisdom is something you can't buy or get any other way other than by going through some level of a refiners fire. And the fiercer the fire, the more wisdom available to be gained. Wisdom is far more valuable than gold. It's worth going through any level of heartache and headache for.
Wisdom refines you and allows you to objectively stand back and see the big picture. It helps you see things much more clearly than you'd be able to see otherwise.
When I was twenty the words serenity, courage and wisdom were just words to me. Even though I was familiar with them and knew their meanings I certainly hadn't internalized what it meant to live them. Forty years later I know them intimately, and I believe this is a gift. I am truly grateful for every one and every thing that's thrown a curve ball in my path, because it's all taught me what it means to live with serenity and courage and it's netted me a whole lot of priceless wisdom!
An important truth I've learned is I am weak and I make mistakes but my God is good and powerful and when I turn to Him He helps me and makes up the difference! It's taken a whole lot of me praying and asking God to enlighten and strengthen me (especially during hard times) to help me gain the significant amount of serenity, courage and wisdom I have today. Prayer and meditation have been essential for shaping me and enabling me to gracefully deal with the challenges of life.
I have been through some pretty challenging times and I don't know what lies ahead, but I do know that I've got living the serenity prayer down, and because of that no matter what happens in the future I'm equipped to get through it, and then go on to THRIVE!
I like being married. Seventeen years ago after multiple marriage disasters, I knew was ready to find "the one" and settle down for the rest of my life. So when I met a guy who seemed to fit the bill I told him, "if what you want is young and cute then keep on looking, but if you want someone who's heart is golden, who will stick by your side and wholeheartedly love and support you all the way till the end... then I'm your girl."
I told him from the get go that I was only interested in getting married for the long haul. He knew without a doubt that I was looking for a forever relationship. And he chose to marry me.
After we got married we had the regular ups and downs. There were some really hard times and a lot of REALLY good times and we both grew and changed a lot. Through it all I thought we were in it together; both committed to always improving and working things out. We were so good together that our friends loved US and often referred to us as their favorite power couple. Many people thought we had the perfect (enviable) marriage. And so did I.
So imagine my surprise when two weeks before our 15th anniversary he announced that he was DONE with me, and he was moving on. He was immovable and I was dumbfounded and devastated to say the least. I had to process his news in stages. It took me seven weeks to accept that "we" were really over and he'd already moved on.
WOWZA. Talk about a major overnight life changer that I wasn't expecting!! There's nothing like a time like this to prompt you to do some deep inner inventory and inspection.
It's one thing to get divorced when you're thirty and you think you have a lot of life ahead of you. But at sixty (almost sixty one) it's a whole different story. While I don't think of myself as old in any shape or form, I can see what twenty -thirty years does and with a bit of soberness I do have to admit that I have a limited number of full steam ahead years in front of me. And then there's the name thing. I've branded myself with his name!
And for now, here I am, and this isn't what I wanted, but it's what I got. And all I can do now is deal with it.
It's impossible for me not to feel jilted. I admit that I have repeatedly felt betrayed, angry and bitter. These feelings have boiled up and washed over me many times. I could've embraced them and let them become part of my identity. But I didn't.
Instead I allowed myself to feel the emotion and release it by crying and venting on paper and in texts. And I chose to support myself by using essential oils to help release the negative emotion (I diffused them and rubbed them all over me, especially on my heart). And, I chose to repeatedly turn to God and pray out my emotions until I could let them go and forgive him. I have chosen to be grateful for this "learning and growing" experience, and as much as possible--because it's not easy!! I've chosen to be kind and positive and graciously accepting of his choice and our resulting situation.
I am constantly reminding myself to keep my feelings (energy) in check and be positive.... because I am an attracting magnet! I WANT to be happily married and I truly believe there's someone out there who is perfect for me and when the time is right he'll come (I'll attract him) into my life. It helps to remember that I need to BE the sort of person I want to attract!
But in the meantime, let be real.
To be perfectly honest I'm living alone now, and sometimes I feel really lonely. And sometimes I feel SAD and or hopeless, lethargic, and depressed. And sometimes, I feel sorry for myself and think I got cheated. (uggh, I don't want to feel that way, but honestly sometimes I do.)
Thankfully I only feel like that sometimes. There are lots of other times when I'm feeling UP and OPTIMISTIC and POSITIVE and good about my life!! I LIKE TO FEEL GOOD so I do my best to do whatever it takes to keep feeling this way!! Thankfully there are far more happy-easy days now, then there are sad.
It helps that I keep using doTERRA oils. I've used a lot of Breathe--to literally help me breathe, especially at first!!, Past Tense--for headaches and tension!, Frankincense and Melissa--to dispel heaviness and darkness, Thyme--to help release anger and bitterness, Lemon and Forgive--to invite forgiveness and peace, and Wild Orange and Rose-- because they smell terrific, invite happiness, and just plain makes me feel good.
It helps that I've chosen to see this as a door closing to someone who obviously isn't the fit I thought he was, so another door can open to someone who perfectly pairs with the super cool and elevated woman I have become! (Ha, I really am liking the qualities and virtues I'm seeing in myself as I navigate myself through this difficult time!)
It helps that I keep praying and forgiving him. It helps that I keep striving to see the good in him and be grateful for him. It helps that I want to release him with love and keep on being his friend... because I like to feel good and playing win-win always feels best to me! Fighting and being enemies never feels good in any situation, so I'm choosing to say no thanks to that!
And, it helps that I do my best to count my blessings and stay focused on the AMAZINGLY BRIGHT FUTURE I want, instead of the life that didn't go the way I wanted it to!!
Oils, prayer, forgiveness, journaling, choosing/striving to feel good (happy), feeling grateful for everything (even this experience), surrounding myself with positive people, and focusing on what I want... these are all HEALING TOOLS that are getting me through. And they're all helping so much that I don't even know how I'd be doing this without them!
The bottom line is life can be disappointing, devastating, and depressing. I KNOW from a lot of experience that hard stuff happens, and it can take your breath away and knock you right off your feet!! And you can hurt so much it feels like you're never going to be able to get up again.
BUT the good news is we aren't victims. Everything about our spiritual energetic makeup encourages us to get back up, and do it with increased strength and valor!
We all have agency and when hard stuff happens to us we can CHOOSE to use the simple yet ultra healing tools of journaling, prayer, forgiveness, gratitude, and positive attitude, etc... and not (ever) need to let life keep us down!
We all have the power in us to get our energy back up (fast) and RISE ABOVE all the hard stuff that happens to us. We were born to overcome our obstacles and trials, and then go on to be victorious and thrive!!
And as we rise up and overcome the obstacles and challenges that are placed in our path it makes us feel good. And that my friends, is the most beautiful and rewarding thing about this life!
When I got married fifteen years ago it was the most thought through and prayed about decision of my life. I knew what I wanted, and I wanted to make sure I was doing it right. I knew what I was getting into. In addition to marrying my best friend, I knew I was taking on his ex-wife, five kids, fifteen years worth of hefty child support, and a slew of unresolved emotional issues. (haha, I had my own issues too!!)
There were some rough moments in the beginning, but we worked through them and grew closer. I grew to absolutely LOVE his girls and they grew to love me. I gave them my heart and they became mine!!
From the get go we had ups and downs but I focused on the UPs. I was all-in and I gave it my all. This doesn’t mean I was perfectly agreeable to everything, but I was always 100% committed. I was committed to investing in both myself and my marriage. Always striving for ways to improve and make both better.
Together we experienced a full range of life!! For me, he turned on the music and brought color and fun back into my world. He challenged me and occasionally he was (sometimes very) challenging for me to deal with. And no doubt I was equally challenging to him! We had some hard times and A LOT of really good times. I focused on the good times and continued to invest in him and our relationship. I was grateful for him and all he brought to the table.
Two years ago when I was slammed with a major health challenge... a perforated bowel and off the charts sepsis which resulted in four major abdominal surgeries, complication after complication, and a year and a half of doctor’s appointments and healing... he was always physically there for me. He was a perfect caregiver. Dutiful, caring, patient, attentive. Always close by when I needed him.
But as my body recovered the romance we’d previously shared, didn’t. We no longer had much fun together and when we spent time together it was simply routine. Spontaneously joyful and tender moments were a thing of the past. The better I physically felt, the more he spent time away from me. Life became a process of going through the motions. When I complained about his lack of interest in me he said things change. I did my best to entice him, but the spark wasn’t there anymore.
He continued to be dutiful, patient and attentive but the charming smile and sparkle in his eyes was gone. His expression was dull and flat more than not, and more and more he spent time away from home. He replaced the words we and us, with me and I. And instead of talking about our plans for the future, he’d drop phrases like “one day you’re going to look up and realize I’m gone”, and “you’re going to have to figure this out because I’m not always going to be here to do it for you”.
I was frustrated with his lack of interest, but I dealt with it by focusing on improving myself and feeling and expressing even more love and gratitude for him. I hoped if I turned myself into a better and brighter person it would positively affect our marriage.
We spent time on a trip together last summer and for a couple of weeks it was good between us. Almost like old times, and I had HOPE! But soon after we got home we were back in the same old lackluster boat.
I saw the signs that something was seriously wrong but I believed he was still in the game with me. I trusted he'd stick it out and keep working with me. He’d stayed by my side through the hardest period of my life (not easy for him!!) and I believed we were just going through a rough patch. I thought if I focused on improving myself things between us would also improve. I focused on the good times between us and continually expressed my love and gratitude for him.
One day I said something that upset him and in an energetic voice he said he was DONE with me. The next day another innocent comment turned into another pointless argument and with grit and steeliness in his voice, he told me again that he was DONE. His expression and tone said he meant it. When I asked if he meant divorce done, he said, "yes. I’ve been done for a long time. It’s over."
It’s interesting how the body works. Mine immediately went into shock. My insides started tremoring and tears ran out of my eyes and nose. I felt like I couldn’t get air and at the same time, I felt like I was going to explode.
When I asked him why, what was going on? He said he’d been told to move forward. That he had something to do and he couldn’t do it with me in his life. That he didn’t know all the details because they needed to unfold but the first step was separating from me. He said he was going for his dreams and he needed to “close out our relationship” to have what he wanted. He was absolutely certain and firm about that.
Nothing made any sense to me. His revelation was surreal and bizarre. It shook me to my core and caused shock waves that still haven’t completely subsided.
The best thing about the timing of it is we were in Hawaii and being near that vast and beautiful ocean seemed to help absorb my initial and most painful waves of shock. During the next seventeen days we were there I was busy absorbing and processing his news. We spent time with our daughter and her husband and I was able to put on a smiley face and truly enjoy it. They had no idea anything was wrong and I was grateful to have more good times together.
After we got back home we got back into our same old routine. He gave me an outline of his plans for the day and sent me short polite texts asking if I needed anything. He texted to let me know when he was on his way home at night. He was always thoughtful, considerate and distant.
For seven weeks I processed through the emotion I was feeling as it came up and (although I didn’t always succeed) I did my best to be gracious and pleasant. I sought to understand him and what he needed and I tried to meet his wants and needs. I focused on every good thing he did for me and I felt truly grateful. I latched onto to every bit of warmth and encouragement he gave me. I prayed for a miracle that would turn his heart back towards me.
Instead of a miracle I slowly gained acceptance that he really was done with me. I could see that he cared about me and didn’t want to hurt me, but he had not been in love with me for quite a long time. His heart was romantically disconnected from me and there was no turning back for him. A major turning point seemed to be when I got sick, after that it was never the same between us. I faced the fact that he had no intention of staying with me.
For me, acceptance came in stages. It involved many long hours spent in prayer and many sleepless nights. I allowed my feelings to come up. I felt sad, mad, confused, frustrated, abandoned and betrayed. I acknowledged how I was feeling and I prayerfully talked it out with my Savior. I turned to two favorite scriptures and drew massive strength from them.
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke unto you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. ~Matthew 11:28-30
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. ~John 14:27
I take those heart-warming scriptures literally and as I repeatedly turned my burdens over to Jesus Christ and surrendered what I couldn’t change or control, He filled my heart with His peace. He comforted and soothed my heart and gave me understanding. As light was shed on the subject I found the strength to rise up and (almost) gracefully let go.
He slept in the other room and quietly moved out in stages. When I realized that with the exception of a couple of large items he’d completely moved out, I felt relieved. And I also marveled that it made my heart ache even more. Still.
When I married him I jumped in a hundred percent. I gave my all and held nothing back. I was there for the long haul and I trusted that he was too. When he chose out it caused me pain like none other, and it left me with two choices.
I can either become bitter or I can become better. I am choosing the option to better myself, to rise up above the pain and become triumphant and victorious.
It's important to note here that I am not a victim, and he is not a villain! We are simply two people doing our best to figure things out and find happiness. I'm being very honest and vulnerable here. Remember you are hearing my side only. Please do not feel sorry for me. That is not the point of my sharing this.
Although my heart is bruised I am not broken! My heart will recover and beat sure and strong again. I am whole and complete and I have the capacity to love and give much in a relationship. I am not afraid to stick my heart out and wholeheartedly fall in love again, and I like knowing that about myself.
I am choosing to be grateful for the blessings of this marriage. We loved and served each other for many years and I’ve grown and learned so much from our time together. He taught and shaped me and I would not be the strong and confident woman I am today without him. I am grateful for our time together.
I'm choosing to focus on the blessings and lessons that were part of the package of marrying him. I will always care about him but I've moved the love I felt into a different space now. I'm choosing to remain his friend and give him my blessings. I sincerely want him to be happy!
Many years ago I chose a path and I will continue to stay on it. I have chosen to love and forgive and continually work on becoming a better version of myself every single day. I am choosing to stay focused on what I want and trust the process of life to bring it to me.
I could wonder what I did wrong. Believe me, I have asked the question. But the more I ponder it the more I see that he’s just exercising his agency. Instead of holding onto the painful energy of judgment and blame I am choosing to honor his choice, and focus on loving and nurturing myself more.
I know from lots of experience that life can slam you down hard. But you don’t have to stay down. What keeps you down, or gets you back up is YOU.
It’s your attitude about what happens and the way you manage your energy as you process through and deal with the challenging experiences of life that determines whether you are going to sink or soar.
I choose to soar! And with a lot of help from Jesus I’m heading back up to the top faster than I would’ve believed was possible.
I’m grateful that I know how to manage my energy, that these are not just words I use, but the way that I do life! I can’t even imagine how I’d be getting through this challenging time without the knowledge and tools I have!
I see that there are many people dealing with similar struggles who don’t know what I know and it's obvious that they are floundering. This gives me purpose and ignites me with a strong desire to branch out and teach more. To reach the masses and show them how to find strength and peace during painful and challenging times.
So I might not have fully gotten what I wanted (yet!) but I’m alive, I’m strong, and I have increased clarity, purpose and direction. I am committed to fulfilling my divine mission and nothing’s going to stop me now. Watch out world cause here I come.
This is a long post that I feel compelled to write for two reasons. First, for those dealing with serious health issues my story offers hope and proves that the body's ability to heal is miraculous.
The second reason I'm sharing my story is, I'm a chakra guru and for years I've been teaching people that the main trick to balancing their chakras and having a feel good life is to learn how to manage their energy. I say you can't control what happens to you but you can choose how you react to it, and that your attitude makes a huge difference. This is about how I got a chance to prove it.
On March 10th 2016, my colon burst. The medical term for this condition is a perforated bowel. I had no idea that something was seriously wrong. All I knew is I was in massive pain and I assumed if I laid low for a couple of days I'd start feeling better. When the pain didn't decrease my husband took me to the ER to get checked out.
I passed out in the waiting room and the next thing I remember is a surgeon waking me up to have me sign a release form giving him permission to do whatever was necessary to save my life.
He told me he'd do his best but there was a good chance I wouldn't make it because I was so septic and had been for so long. Honestly I was so out of it that what he said didn't even register. I only wanted to be out of pain and I passed out again as they wheeled me towards surgery.
Six hours later, after a two hour period in a recovery room where I wouldn't wake up, a nurse's urgent prodding finally aroused me. She said I needed to sign another consent form giving them permission to stop my heart because it was beating so fast if they didn't slow it down I'd have a heart attack or stroke. I signed the form and passed out again.
The next time I woke up I realized with some alarm that I had a bag attached to my stomach! The nurse told me it was an ostomy bag and it wasn't permanent, that I only had to have it until my colon healed.
I decided to be optimistic about it. I figured I'd heal fast and be done with the bag SOON. I fully expected to be out the hospital and back on my feet within days.
But what actually happened is I still had massive amounts of infection inside me and it created all sorts of issues and that resulted in me (a formerly non doctor going healthy person) being on an insane amount of meds, and having to have dozens of tests and scans, and multiple painful drains inserted into my body.... anyways I ended up staying in ICU for three weeks.
Before I got sick I had no conception of what bowel perforations, ostomy bags, or sepsis were about. These were just terms I'd heard but had no idea what they involved.
Boy did I learn firsthand!!
Now I know that sepsis is internal poisoning or toxicity, and it is serious. Just to give you an idea of how serious my situation was I will explain it the way my doctor explained it to me. He said a sepsis level of 15-16 is concerning. 20 is alarming. And 50 is lethal. People with a sepsis level over 50 rarely live. When they tested my blood in the emergency room my sepsis level was 67. One week after surgery it was still 38.
Let me just say that when you're that septic for that long it messes with your brain and cognitive function etc. And between sepsis and all the drugs I was on I was seriously malfunctional for a couple of weeks. To say the least.
In the hospital I dealt with fluid in my lungs (aka mild phenomena), massive PAIN and edema (50 lbs. water weight), severe weakness, an inability to adjust my body, raging yeast infections from all the antibiotics I was on, and an inability to eat, which resulted in a nasty feeding tube down my nose, etc. etc.
It hurt to move my body and they were constantly making me get out of bed and putting me in wheelchairs and wheeling me down halls, and making me lay on uncomfortable tables so they could do more scans and tests. And they were continually reinserting painful drains into me, and poking me with needles and such. Emotionally this was all super frustrating and upsetting to me.
It was incredibly hard, and at one point when I was feeling like screaming, I clearly heard a voice in my head I recognized as Spirit, telling me I could either fight this experience, or surrender to it. In that moment I chose to surrender.
Another time, when I was feeling super frustrated because I needed to have two painful tests in one day I heard Spirit again telling me to "Be patient, and trust the process". Once again I chose to relax and go with it.
During those days I leaned heavily on my Heavenly Father. I prayed often and asked Him for healing strength to get through it! I thanked Him for everyone who was helping me. I knew that there were many friends and family members, and even people who didn't know me but had heard about me who were praying for me. And I felt the power of their collective prayers. I recieved a strong assurance that my body would heal and be normal and strong again. I chose to believe Spirit's promise of restored health. When it seemed impossible that my body would ever be strong and healthy again, I chose to focus on that reassuring promise.
My choice to surrender to that difficult experience and trust a slow and laborious process of healing and believe in healing miracles, carried me. I also experienced an abundance of blessings, including food from home, calming music, essential oils and a diffuser, and many flowers, gifts, kind notes, and visits from kind and caring poeple. It was all of this that helped me get through my long hospital stay.
Finally I got to go home. But I was far from well. On top of the ostomy bag I still had a picc line in my chest, two drains (one inserted into my butt cheek -super PAINFUL) and an oxygen tube up my nose. I was so weak that I needed help with EVERYTHING and still could hardly get down food. I had a home care nurse that came 1-2 times a week, and 1-2 times a week I also had to go back to the hospital-doctor for blood tests and check ups.
For about three months, with the exception of going to the doctor, I was unable to much of anything but lay on a couch. Every time I stood up my entire core section ACHED unbearably. Every time I took a step it was laborious, slow and painful. I couldn't even get myself a glass of water or make myself a piece of toast without collapsing. And even though I was still in PAIN my doctor stopped prescribing pain pills because he said I'd been on them too long and I was starting to get addicted. He was right, I was becoming addicted. So I went off them and it was HARD, especially since I was still really hurting. I literally felt like I was living in body hell. This was a most challenging and depressing time for me.
Oh... and there was one more thing going on. My hair was literally falling out in handfuls, which was also very upsetting to me. All in all I lost about 85 percent of my hair.
To be honest, even though I chose to surrender and trust the process of healing I .... I wasn't exactly digging it. I was not a ray of sunshine and the longer the unpleasant experience DRUG ON, the more depressed, miserable and witchy I became.
One day a vision flashed through my mind. I saw me standing in front of a group of people. I was teaching a chakra balancing workshop like I used to do and I was telling them that life knocks you down sometimes, and the trick is to do whatever it takes get yourself back up as fast as possible, because that's what chakra balancing is all about.
HA... I'd really said that exact thing so many times. For years I'd been teaching people how to manage their energy... and that day I remembered it was time for me to walk my talk.
I KNEW WHAT TO DO and in that moment, I made a choice to start doing it.
From then on I started mentally counting my blessings. I thought about everything that was right in my life and I felt GRATEFUL for it. I worked on being pleasant and thankful for what I had instead of whining and complaining about what was wrong.
As I focused on being positive and grateful, I started feeling better. And even though my situation was still hard, my heart felt happier and lighter.
About three and a half months after surgery (towards the end of June) I felt good enough to get out of the house a bit. I was all bent over and I walked super slow and had to carry a big bag of pillows to sit on, but I was OUT of the house. The first time I went to Costco my husband asked me how it felt to be there again, and I started crying because I realized it felt SO GOOD to be up and doing something normal!
The second week in July I had a scan to see if I'd healed enough to have the reversal surgery (aka ostomy take down) but the scan showed I was still leaking so my surgeon doctor referred me to "Abby", a colon rectal specialist. Abby did more tests which showed I'd formed a fistula that needed another surgery to fix. This was not what I wanted to hear!!
After I shared the news on Facebook several well meaning people messaged me to tell me about someone they knew who'd had complications and wasn't able to get a reversal after all. They wanted to prepare me in case this happened to me. I started freaking out. Really worrying that it might be the case. Then one day I clearly heard Spirit's voice in my head again saying, "You can either be fearful or you can be faithful, but what you feed will grow."
Woah. I remembered I'd been promised restored health, and I chose to stop worrying and start exercising my faith. From that moment on I prayed for an increased ability to trust God and believe in healing miracles and I asked for more faith than I had.
The surgery to fix the fistula was scheduled for August 27th. It was a MAJOR surgery that took seven hours and involved removing six inches of my rectum, and one half of my belly button. (The other half went later.)
When I found out about the six inches I thought, Oh my gosh that's A LOT!! Finding this out was not thrilling, and it was even less exciting when Abby informed me that rectal incontinence was a side effect I could expect. To that I said, NO, I don't think so. That's not going to work for me. I'm choosing to NOT have that issue!
The good news is during the second surgery Abby removed an orange-size pocket of yucky pussy bacteria, and after that my hair stopped falling out. Oh YAY!!! My colon also healed without further issues, which meant on October 29 I was able to have a third major abdominal surgery, and get rid of the bag!
Then as my brother Mark put it, I got to start potty training. Let's just say that learning to poop normally again was a long and uncomfortable process.
On December 5th I had a colonoscopy to see how things had healed and Abby said everything looked great. She released me from her care with a clean bill of colon health. At that point I still ached when I stood for too long, and was still readjusting to going to the bathroom, but finally I was free to live my life without NEEDING to go to a doctor to get something fixed!!
WooHoo! After nine long months of steady appointments I felt so happy to be finally be free from doctors!
Four days later, on December 9th my oldest daughter unexpectedly died at the age of forty one. She had eight children and it was a week and a half before Christmas. WHEW. One is never prepared for this sort of a thing to happen.
So we had a viewing, a funeral, and Christmas, and I managed to get through it all. But after that, due to grief and an impaired immune system I'm sure, I came down with the worst case of flu ever. And I coughed so hard that my scars (which weren't completey healed) tore open.
Then on February 7th, just as I was finally getting over the flu, my dad died. He'd been sick and his death was expected so it was much easier to process. But still....
I then went back to my surgeon doctor who confirmed I had a hernia and needed another major surgery to fix it, but he said I needed more healing time first.
So surgery was scheduled for the last week in April and the week before I had a pre-surgery MRI. Then my doc called to say I needed a second MRI so he could get a closer look at my lungs. After the second scan he called to say my lungs had significant masses in them so he was cancelling the surgery. He said I needed to get cleared by a pulmonologist before he could do surgery.
By then the hernia had become grapefruit sized, and I was thinking you've got to be kidding. SERIOUSLY?!!
So I was referred to yet another doctor, and when he asked if I knew why I was there, I said, Yes, I have a big hernia and I NEED surgery to fix it but my doctor won't do it until I see you. That's why I'm here.
With a concerned look on his face this doctor informed me that actually, I was there because I had a serious respiratory issue. He showed me the scans of my lungs and pointed out they were shrunken and filled with white masses. He said he needed to do a lung biopsy to know more about my condition.
Uggh. So in May (after a four hour wait in pre-op) I had a three hour biopsy. My chest, throat and neck ached for a couple of days, but the good news is there was no incision or scar to deal with, and a couple of weeks later I got a call saying I'd been cleared for surgery.
So I immediately got the hernia surgery scheduled for June 25th. Then on June 20th my left thigh started hurting and itching like crazy. Then I broke out in massive sores and rashes and after a couple of people suggested it was shingles (I said NO, I'm sure not)...but when I googled shingles... the night before surgery... it was crystal clear that I did indeed have them!
And it was ALMOST funny.
So on Monday morning I went to the hospital and didn't say a word. And after they did all the pre op stuff my surgeon came in and we had a brief chat, and then, just as they were wheeling me in to surgery, I told my doctor there was something going on with my leg so don't freak out when he saw it. At which point he looked at my leg and with EYES WIDE OPEN said maybe we should wait and not do the surgery till this clears up. To which I said it's not a big deal so YES YOU SHOULD get this surgery over with - please! Just do it now, I said. It'll be fine. LUCKILY for me, he listened and went ahead as planned.
Due to the nature of my hernia I had to have a more complicated type of surgery and therefore needed to stay in the hospital for three days. It didn't take long for the medical staff to all figure out what was going on with my leg, which meant they all had to put on hazmat suits every time they came in my room. Which was often. It was a huge pain and all of the hospital staff were talking about me, and how I had the worst case (largest area covered) of shingles anyone had ever seen.
At that point, after everything I'd been through, I figured you (me) might as well laugh. When I looked back at the whole picture of my health crisis journey it was all so bizarre that it was actually pretty funny.
Over the past sixteen months, me, a woman with such a healthy lifestyle that I hadn't needed to go to a doctor for over two DECADES, had had three different doctors and four major abdominal surgeries that resulted in me spending five weeks total in three different hospitals! Imagine that!
When I think about it it's still mind boggling that it happened to me. Especially because now I have a full hair of (curly when it wasn't before) hair, and I'm perfectly healthy, strong and normal again.
Fortunately all of the hospitals and doctors I worked with were essential oils friendly. This was a real blessing to me because the oils helped tremendously to calm and soothe my irritation and pain etc.
Two weeks after the hernia surgery I went back to the lung doctor to get my biopsy results and it was with all seriousness that he told me, I had a severe case of sarcoidosis (aka calcified lumps). He said my condition was so serious that I "should" need oxygen, and not be able to talk without gasping and wheezing. He said I'd need to take steroids because it was the only known treatment for opening my airways.
To that I said, Thank you for the awareness that I have a lung project to work on, but HA. I'm absolutely not taking steroids!
I told him I was going to keep on using essential oils. He said he didn't recommend it because there's no proof that essential oils work. I said HA again. I told him I'M PROOF... just look at me, I don't have any of the symptoms I "should" have.
To that he said he had to agree. He said not only don't I have any obvious symptoms, but I look and act about twenty years younger than my age. Then he admitted that my attitude was refreshing. He said when most patients learn they have a disease they're more than willing to throw in the towel. He said he wished more people had my attitude. Then he said let's wait and do another scan in six months to see where I'm at.
SO..... here's what I've been doing ever since.
I tell my body I love it on a regular basis and I see all parts of myself as strong and functioning optimally. I pray everyday and thank God and angels for healing me. I feel and express gratitude for all the good in my life and I thank my body for healing so perfectly. I drink water instead of soda and sugary drinks and I eat a clean plant based diet. I stay away from sugar or processed food and I use doTERRA essential oils. I also take herbs and supplements, and almost every day I exercise and push myself to my limit. I see my colon and digestive system functioning perfectly, and as I predicted I don't have issues with incontinence. I also practice deep breathing. I visualize any cloudiness in my lungs dissipating and imagine that the size of my lungs is expanding. I breathe out fear and pan and I breathe in love and light. I don't do everything perfectly all of the time, but these are my habits and I continue to do them on a regular basis.
A couple of weeks ago my husband and I were in Hawaii and my lung doctor called to see how I was doing. He asked if I would like to schedule a scan to see how my lungs are doing. I told him my lungs are doing great! I said, I'm in Hawaii climbing mountains and walking MILES every day and based on results I don't need to waste my time or money on a scan. So no thanks.
He said it is a miracle that my lungs are doing so good and I don't have any symptoms. He said he is happy for me and he is going to close out my chart. I said thanks, and have a great day!
Then I went on to live the happy healthy feel-good life that I chose to create in my mind, when my in-my-face reality didn't feel so great.
To sum this all up life is unpredictable and unpleasant stuff can happen to you out of the blue. Even when you're doing everything you can to prevent it it can happen. And it can completely rock you off your orbit.
Life can take you down no doubt, and sometimes it can take you really low, but you don't have to stay down!!
You can't control what happens to you but you can always control your attitude! You get to choose how you're going to react to the challenging things of life!
I hope that when hard stuff happens to you you will remember this, and choose to trust the process and believe in miracles. I hope you will remember that YOU and your thoughts and words and attitude are powerful, and that no matter what happens to you, if you do your best to stay positive and grateful and faithful, and believe in miracles, something GOOD will come out of it.
Remember this. YOU are responsible for YOU and your attitude and your reactions to life.
When hard stuff happens you can either choose to turn to God and surrender to it and trust Him to help you through the process.
OR you can choose to turn against God and curse and blame Him for your problems.
You can choose to let the hard things in life make you bitter, or you can choose to let them make you better! It's your choice. I hope you choose to turn your chin towards the sun and let all the crazy things that happen in this life make you BETTER :)
I've always loved Christmas a lot. Back in the day when Christmas sweaters were trendy and cool before they became mocked and laughed at at ugly sweater parties, I had some really cute ones. I thought they were cute anyway and with my full 90's hair people often said I was adorable. Back then I could hardly wait for December 1st so I could start wearing my fun collection of Christmas sweaters, and I was always a little sad when it was time to put them away.
I was so excited for Christmas that every year I wholeheartedly decorated, shopped, wrapped, baked, and delivered treats to my neighbors. Mostly all by myself. On top of that I managed to work out and eat well. It was such a high priority for both me and my house to look good at Christmas that we were pretty much magazine (or cute house blog) perfect.
What's wrong with that picture is I was so busy DO-ing that I forgot to check in and see how things were FEEL-ing. Living in a picture perfect house wasn't fun for my family and looking back it wasn't really THAT MUCH fun for me either, mainly it was a distraction from what was seriously missing in my life.
These days there are no Christmas sweaters, my house has a much simpler look, and when it comes to shopping, wrapping, baking and delivering I've dropped the ball significantly.
Which means now, instead of being a wound up (to mask deeper depression) nutcase the entire month of December, overall I'm laid back and chill. Even when things get busy and a little crazy and I get off track (haha - I admit I DO still get a little crazy (a lot) because I have a big family and squiggly personality and can't help it!)... I'm good at recognizing that I'm off kilter and regrouping pretty fast ;)
I still love Christmas a lot, but the bottom line is this. I've come to value and crave FEELING good much more than looking good, and consequently I've chosen to simplify and let go of many things in my life, including draining Christmas traditions.
So here's what to do to keep Christmas simple and make it FEEL GOOD.
1. Remember what Christmas is all about and do something everyday (it can be little) that will make someone else's life brighter. Try visiting shut ins and people in nursing homes and taking a little Christmas cheer to them. Check in with the center ahead of time and see what they recommend.
2. Get comfortable with giving simple Christmas gifts. Give less presents and do more acts of kindness and service (try making coupon books to wrap). Before you go shopping do a little research and find out what the people on your list really want or need, and only buy that. Don't spend money on needless fluff.
3. Nurture and nourish your body, mind and spirit. This includes eating real simple food, drinking water, meditating (lock yourself in the bathroom if you need to), exercising (do whatever you can do), and getting enough sleep. Do grounding and soothing things, like making soup, diffusing and using essential oils, lighting candles, taking a relaxing bath, and listening to your favorite Christmas music. If you can fit it in, read a short Christmas story every day. I did that one year and it really brought the Christmas spirit to my heart!
4. Choose how you spend your time wisely. Stick to only doing needful things and things that make your heart feel good -things you enJOY doing. Choose to only spend your time with PEACEful people and only participate in Christmas activities that leave you feeling happy and renewed. Practice saying no to all the rest.
5. Do whatever it takes to be able to enJOY yourself. If that means saying NO, do it, and so be it. Refuse to get sucked into other people's expectations or drama. When there's drama going on around you, remove yourself. And if someone else is offended, oh well. Remember, it's not your problem. Learn to say this, "not my circus, not my monkey". Stop feeling like you owe people something, and they'll fall apart if you don't deliver - they wont, they might be dissapointed etc. (oh well) but they'll be ok. Use Cheer, Forgive and Peace (doTERRA's emotion blends) if you need extra support.
6. Continue to let go. As you get closer to Christmas instead of freaking out about what isn't done, start crossing things off your list. If it's not important, let it go. Don't do it and don't worry about it. Whew. That feels better already, doesn't it?!!
In short, give yourself permission to do less, and do things simply. If you don't have enough time or money to do something, don't worry about it. Do what you can and remember the reason for the season. Give generously from your heart. Gather your loved ones close (if you don't have loved ones gather with someone else in your boat) and slather on the love as you enjoy the magic of this beautiful season together.
Wishing you a most Peaceful and Joyful Christmas :)
HA. I said I was doubtful and skeptical because many brands claim to have "best quality" oils and I'd tried a lot of them and other than packaging I honestly couldn't tell much difference. I didn't expect the new brand of oils to be anything special.
The new brand was doTERRA and when I tried them and I was immediately blown away at the difference! It was obvious to me that they were much purer and higher quality than anything I'd ever used before. Naturally I was excited to use these new oils on my clients.
The first time I used doTERRA oils during a massage my client was laying face up with her eyes closed and I put a drop of Citrus Bliss in my hands, rubbed them together and held them over her face. Almost immediately she said, "Oh my gosh!! What is that?? You've never used that oil on me before! It smells AMAZING! It smells so fresh it's making me want to drink it! Where did you get it? Do you have more? How can I get some?" Then, throughout the rest of her massage she continued to ask me questions. Mainly she wanted to know how she could get her own doTERRA oils and how soon.
Ha, I'd been using and selling essential oils in my practice for years and until that day none of my clients had ever gotten the least bit excited about purchasing them! In fact they'd often complained about the smell, saying oils made them itch and gave them headaches. From the get go it was different with doTERRA oils. My regular clients all noticed the difference the first time I used them and said they smelled better and were soothing instead of irritating. They all gave them a big thumbs up. Most liked them so much they wanted to know how they could get their own to use at home.
Like me, almost everyone I shared doTERRA oils with with was drawn to them because they smelled so good, but the real and lasting love affair happened when we all realized how effective doTERRA oils are and how fast they work. doTERRA OILS GET RESULTS like crazy!
Before doTERRA I used a lot of other brands of essential oils. I had quite a collection that I'd spent a lot of money on so initially my (determined) intention was to keep on using them until they were gone.
But then I learned about the difference between pure oils and synthetic oils and after that it was easy to identify which was which. When I smelled my old oils (objectively with an open mind) what I noticed is I got a slightly pinched sensation and sometimes even a slight shooting pain in my head. At best they were weak, almost like they'd been watered down. Whereas all of the doTERRA oils I tried smelled strong (potent) and fresh like the plants they came from, and they had an opening and calming effect on my brain. Compared to doTERRA oils I had to admit my old oils smelt heavy, perfumy (synthetic) and yuck. They were definitely subpar and I couldn't bring myself to use them anymore. So I ended up throwing them all out after all.
Before being introduced to doTERRA I used essential oils in my massage practice daily. And occasionally I used them at home for therapeutic purposes. Still I dealt with reoccurring (super annoying) respiratory issues and regular aches and pains. After I started using doTERRA, and I admit I used them a lot more often because they smelt so good and made me feel so good I was kind of addicted to them... not only did my respiratory health clear up, I also stopped aching and getting sniffles. Big WooHoo!
It didn't take long for doTERRA oils to become the go-to at our house. Whenever we have a physical or emotional out-of-sorts thing going on, we go to our oils, and as a result we feel better almost immediately and very seldom need to go to the doctor. Which actually saves us a lot of money because essential oils are so concentrated and versatile that one bottle (which often costs less than a co-pay) can be used MULTIPLE times for a wide variety of conditions.
I'm not exaggerating one bit when I say these oils have blessed my life in so many ways I truly can't imagine what I'd do without them!!! If you've never experienced doTERRA I'm just saying you're missing out, but no worries cause you can get doTERRA oils here, and then be sure to download my free essential oils categories guide so you'll know the basics of how to use them.
To you and yours and, Happy Oiling :)
A week ago I set some little goals for myself. Eat cleaner (no sugar!), meditate and exercise every day, drink more water, get more sleep.... The first two days I did great. WooHoo ;) Then life happened and my schedule and plan got bumped. I got tired and someone left cookies on my counter, and I ate some sugar (not a lot, just one cookie) and immediately there was disappointment and then the temptation to keep going and eat more and entirely abandon the plan to take better care of myself. I kicked myself and entertained the thought that I was a failure.
Uggh. That's so not true and I know it! So why did I let those thoughts in again?
Because I'm human and its ok.
It's ok as long as I remember that beating myself up is hard on me and causes far more damage than eating a cookie does.
I KNOW THIS... so I got a hold of myself fast! I put a drop of Forgive essential oil on my chest and said some empowering solar plexus chakra declarations to reinforce the fact that I'm in charge of my life and I'm choosing to claim my power.
I said the ho'oponopono prayer.
I love the ho'oponopono prayer because it's so simple and yet SO POWERFUL. When you offend someone else and you wholeheartedly tell them, "I'm sorry, I love you, and Please forgive me", it clears the air and is healing.
When you offend yourself - like I did last week - looking in the mirror and saying the ho'oponopono prayer is good medicine for you too.
So by all means keep on setting goals and practicing taking good care of yourself, but when you mess up please don't kick yourself. Instead get in the habit of looking in the mirror and saying the ho'oponopono prayer. Get in the habit of repeating it to yourself over and over again, every single day. Get it in your heart and let it become your mantra.
If you do this you will be so happy because it will change you. And the results will be heartwarming and magical.
Today while I was driving I heard Kelly Clarkson singing White Christmas on the radio. And two thoughts instantly crossed my mind. First, I love her voice and think she does a great job with that song!
Second, I hope it doesn't snow because I'm really good if it stays this warm (60 outside). In reality the weathers supposed to turn cold in a couple of days. I know all the cold weather snow loving people will be happy about that.
It's good that we're all wired differently. This way everyone can get a turn to enjoy their favorite season, and all four seasons can be duly appreciated! Still, I think it's odd that some of MY kids prefer winter over summer. With me for their mom, how is that possible?
So here's my take on the four seasons. I like spring because it's so beautiful. What is prettier and more cheerful than budding fruit trees and bright colorful tulips! And there's something magical about watching all the trees pop out in vibrant green overnight ! Still, in spring there are still lots of windy chilly days which drops the thrill factor down for me. The best thing about spring is it mean's summers around the corner!
Summer is my season!! I absolutely love warm weather, going to the pool with my grandkids, having outdoor parties, taking long walks on warm summer nights, hiking, camping, going to rodeos, going on car trips, summer vacations, gardening and eating out of the garden, sleeping with a thin white sheet, open windows and a ceiling fan, birds chirping in the morning, always wearing flip flops and never needing to wear shoes - the laid back vibe in general!! Every day feels like a super FUN party to me! I really. can't. get. enough. summer.
Fall is nice because I love harvesting my garden and shopping at farmers markets. I like canning and dehydrating and making sure I'm stocked up for winter. I like that it's beautiful and the days are mostly warm. Still, even though fall is a really lovely season it means winter is right around the corner which (to me) makes it feel more like a funeral for summer than a vibrantly joyous season.
Winter. I have to psych myself up for it! My favorite thing about winter is I have a warm house with a fireplace and enough warm sweaters, boots and down comforters to keep me warm. And I admit I love lighting candles, making soup and diffusing Holiday Joy. I also love Christmas with all it's good cheer and sparkle and think it's comes at the perfect time of year. Just when it's starting to get cold, I get a whole month of Christmas to distract me. So I don't mind December so much. Then I get through January and February by taking as many trips to warm places as I can. And in March, we're almost to spring, which means summer's ahead and everything's going to be A-ok again!
Well there you have it. What goes through my head when it's the end of November and I hear a wishing-for-snow themed Christmas song. Don't know what all that says about me, but I do LOVE Christmas, so Merry Christmas ya'll!
The other day while reading "The Paper Bag Princess" and " Amelia Bedelia" to my granddaughter I realized these children's books contain 3 tips for a successful marriage.
The Paper Bag Princess tells the story of a princess named Elizabeth who was going to marry a prince named Ronald but a dragon came along and smashed her castle, burned her clothes, and carried off Ronald. So Elizabeth makes herself a dress out of a paper bag, tracks the dragon down and encourages him to wear himself out doing outrageous feats. When he's out stone cold, Elizabeth rescues Ronald.
At this point Ronald says, "Elizabeth, you are a mess! You smell like ashes, your hair is all tangled and you are wearing a dirty old paper bag. Come back when you are dressed like a real princess."
To which Elizabeth responds, "Ronald, your clothes are really pretty and your hair is very neat. You look like a real prince, but you are a bum."
The book ends with "They didn't get married after all" and there's a picture of Elizabeth dancing off into the sunset.
Don't marry a bum. Allow yourself to be in situations where you can be the real you, and where you can see the real side of the person you're considering marrying. If there are any indications that they're a Ronald don't try to change them. Do yourself a big favor and walk away fast. When you're working with a Ronald there's little hope that things will improve.
The next bit of wisdom comes from the original Amelia Bedelia book. Mrs. and Mr. Rogers hire Amelia to clean their house but can't be there on her first day so Mrs. Rogers leaves Amelia with a list. Amelia takes the list literally and does EXACTLY what Mrs. Rogers has written. When Mrs Rogers comes home she's shocked and unhappy with Amelia, but just when she's ready to say "you're fired", Mr. Rogers puts a piece of lemon meringue pie in her mouth, and she forgets all about being mad.
Turns out that Amelia Bedelia makes the most AMAZING lemon meringue pies and that's her saving grace. So Mrs. Rogers learns to speak Amelia's language, Amelia cleans house to her satisfaction, and Amelia makes lots of delicious lemon meringue pies that both Mr. and Mrs. Rogers love. So everyone ends up happy.
Have an asset. Learn a skill that makes you irresistibly attractive. Or at least develop an irresistible (or at least pleasing) personality. Be the sort of person that other people want to be around.
Focus on what's right with your partner and learn to speak their language. Patiently work with them, and keep focusing on what you LOVE about them.
When I got pregnant and then married at seventeen I had NO IDEA what I was getting into. Basically I married a Ronald and I wasn't exactly an Elizabeth, or even an Amelia. I didn't bring a lot to the table. It was an unhappy and unfulfilling marriage from the get go, and when it ended after sixteen years (how we lasted that long baffles me!) I dove head first into second, and then third, equally ill-fated marriages. I don't share this with you so you'll think I'm an epic failure at relationships, but simply to assure you I have experience.
The good news is I learned from my mistakes. And for the past fifteen years I've been happily married to the man of my dreams. Now this doesn't mean our relationship is absolutely PerReCT because there are sometimes glitches. Sometimes we disagree and get on each others nerves. But overall, we are quite HApPy together. This is largely because by the time I met Craig I knew it was important to do the three things I've shared here with you. And because Craig, who's the polar opposite of a Ronald, does them too.
Good marriages take work. I know from lots of experience that once you're married it's easy to get complacent and in a rut, and when unpleasant stuff happens it's easy to stuff it inside and let unhappy (heart chakra shutting down) emotion build up (leads to painful blowups!!). That's why I'm going to add an extra tip.
Don't blame others and give them the benefit of the doubt! Be responsible for own words and actions and get really good at apologizing and saying I'm sorry. Be nice - act like you're dating and trying to impress, and dwell on the things you love. Say I love you and give sincere compliments often, and always work on improving your self!
No matter where you are in life (married or not), if you just work on mastering tips #2, 3 and 4 it will do wonders for helping you feel satisfied in all of your relationships! And BONUS, it will help open your solar plexus, heart, and throat chakras too!!
Hi. I'm Connie and I'm into chakras, essential oils, growing plants, eating real food, being a grandma, following Jesus, and creating a beautiful life. I like to write about random things including real life issues and how to process through and deal with the messy and unsettling stuff that happens in life. I believe that life is too short not to live happy! I choose to dwell in bliss and bask in love and light. Welcome to my raw, real, bright colorful world!